---The Unbearable Lightness of Being (Milan Kundera)
How strong is your relationship
April 28, 2008Your Relationship is Strong
You’ve built the foundation of a great relationship, and it would take a lot to shake it.
Through good communication and respect, you have a true love that can last a lifetime.
http://www.blogthings.com/howstrongisyourrelationshipwithyourguyquiz/
I have a Type A Personality
April 18, 2008| You Have A Type A Personality |
 You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun Do You Have a Type A Personality? (to check for your personality) |
Decisions, decisions, decisions….(conversation with self)—somebody help me
April 17, 2008After all the turmoil I faced before entering college, I never thought I would get to this point. I will actually be graduating next year and I am still unsure of the career path I want to pursue. So I decided to have a conversation with myself (I am starting to see the schizo tendencies..)
Tahnee: So you will be graduating next year? What do you plan?
Tahnee 2: OMG! I do not know what I want.
Tahnee 1: What do you see yourself doing?
Tahnee2: I see myself in law school. I also see myself in an office. I see myself in the corporate setting. But I see myself the most as a mom. (I would not explain why I have this huge yearning for kids as soon as possible because the story is too long that it will deviate me from the topic of my monologue)
Tahnee 1: Hmmm…now that’s hard. It will be hard to be a mom if you plan to go to law school.
Tahnee 2: Exactly! I want to have children. But at the rate I’m going, I don’t know when I can have them. If I end up going to law school, I will graduate with a degree in law at the age of 28. So when will I start practicing? I cannot exactly have my children while I’m in law school. I am not leaving them with the nanny or my mother (heaven forbid!)
Tahnee 1: What about if you work after graduation?
Tahnee 2: There’s that option. I want to work in the corporate setting. I don’t mind being in Human resources. I also don’t mind being in Marketing or sales. I know that I get a substantial amount and i will be able to make sure I am comfortable and my children will get everything they need. But I know that I might be able to save more if I take up law.
Tahnee 1: Don’t think about the money. Think about what you want to do.
Tahnee 2: I know I am not supposed to think about the money. But I have to be practical. Remember, I want kids. You can’t just pop them out without computing. Besides I really envision myself poring over thick books and studying different laws. So it’s not just the money. I really want it.
Tahnee 1: So if you want it, go for it.
Tahnee 2: But I’m not sure if I want law school enough to dedicate my time to it. I know I want it a lot. But I’m not too sure if that A LOT is enough for me to give up the time when I can concentrate on building my career and family. Am I making sense?
Tahnee 1: Somewhat…
Tahnee 2: So now I am still lost…
Tahnee 1: We both are now….
So that’s how my conversation with myself ended. Sigh…What do I do…still lost and searching
On getting my NBI clearance (calling out to guy in gray…)
April 16, 2008I was supposed to get my NBI clearance last Monday but there was some other documents I needed to bring due to my dual citizenship. So I decided to get it done today, once and for all. So I drag Cybele along and go to POEA along Edsa to apply for a NBI clearance. I persuaded Cybele to get one too since she will be needing it anyway. (Yes, I know that POEA stands for Philippine Overseas Employment Administration. But if you would visit their site, you would see that POEA is indicated as one of their satellite offices.) So anyway after my 1030 class, I rush there with Cybele, in hopes that we might be able to get something done before lunch. We arrived at 1130 and asked the guard where we could apply for a NBI clearance. She mutters "Window 11" under her breath. So we trek over to Window 11 to see that the cut off is 11am. Office will resume at 1pm. What a looong lunch break!!! So we decide to have lunch first. But before that, we verified with the guard if we could really apply there. To our dismay, we cannot. So the site was inaccurate (as expected of a government site). Then the guard asks me if I was a sea man. If so, I could get my NBI clearance there. Duh! Do I look like a sea man!!! Pwede naman kasing woman diba?!
So we left and decided to go to Quezon City Hall because I had a friend who got hers there. So aimlessly driving along Edsa trying to find a way to get to Quezon City Hall, I tell Cybele to turn right at Quezon Avenue because it sounds logical to turn right at a road which has the same name as Quezon City Hall. Seems like I was on the right track because I saw the signs. So after driving a bit more, we finally reach Quezon City Hall. Yey!
But alas, our joy turned to horror when we saw the queue. Thank God it was the line for those released clearances. We head over to payment (which had a short queue). We pay 115 peso and head for fingerprinting. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard the man facilitating the finger printing ask me for 5 pesos. So where da hell did my 115 pesos go to? hhhmmm,….
After finger printing, we were lost as all the lines seem to be intersecting each other. We ask the guard which line did we have to go to after wards. He points to Data Entry. So after queuing up for 10 minutes, I get the feeling that we missed something. We ask the guy in the gray shirt behind us if he had his picture taken. Turns out Manong Guard got his lines mixed up. Sigh! Typical! So I ask guy in gray shirt nicely if he could reserve my spot in front of him while I rush to take my picture taken. So once more, we rush to another line and have our picture taken.There was no cue from the man when to smile. he just shouts, "Tapos na!"
So after hearing "Tapos na", we rush back to guy in gray, wondering how the picture turned out. (Thank you so so much. We never got your name. I am Tahn while the girl in green is Cybele. once more thank you so much). Anyway after checking our names in the database, our suspicions are confirmed. Our names are so unique that we do not have to come back again another day. We were going to queue up for the releasing of the clearance, but we stopped when we saw the line. It had even gotten longer. As I stare at the line, a guy selling water and c2 comes up to me and offers to get my clearance for a small fee of 150 pesos. I look at the line and nod my head at c2 guy. As we were waiting for our clearances, I felt so bad. I just subscribed to corrupt acts. What did I learn? I was not supposed to allow myself to get sucked up in the whole corrupt system. But when I saw my clearance and glanced at the long line that did not seem to be moving, I consoled myself and told myself that a little corruption is not too bad 
. (Let’s just blame the system )
So now I have my NBI clearance which has a picture that does not really look like me. But who cares? SSS number nalang! Wahoo!
Once again, guy in gray, thank you so much! Hope you get your NBI clearance soon. Take care
I do, still by Rica Bolipata Santos (a must read)
April 15, 2008I, DO, STILL by Rica Bolipata-Santos
I saw this article in a blog and copied it. (http://walkingwithsunshine.blogspot.com/2005/06/i-do-still-by-rica-bolipata-santos.html) I love the way the article was written. PLus the fact that Maam Rica was my teacher so I have the pleasure of being under her tutelage.
I know that marriage definitely needs work and my earnest wish is that after many years, I would say, I do still to my husband
=======================
I, DO, STILL
by Rica Bolipata-Santos
I wake up and sense that the morning is still. Outside our bedroom window, nothing moves. Today is my ninth wedding anniversary. It feels very much like an in-between year. It is not the seventh, which saw us surviving the seven-year itch. And neither is it the tenth, the milestone of the first decade shared together.
I turn to my husband beside me. We sleep every night with our backs to each other. This is not something I worry about. Sleep is one of the reasons I believe in God. It is an ingenious invention. I don’t like being disturbed so I don’t like being held. After sex, I anticipate being taken by sleep, a different kind of orgasm.
I kiss his warm cheek and he smells like soap. He has faint stubble. He turns to me, opens his eyes and his arms and welcomes me in.
"Happy anniversary, dear," he says.
"Happy. Happy." I reply.
"Are the kids up yet?"
"Probably, it’s already seven," I say, winding my legs around his. "The boys should be having breakfast by now. Mang Felix is taking them to school today."
"And you? What’s your schedule?" he asks me.
"Just have class until four. I’ll meet you for dinner at Shangri-La."
He kisses me on my temple, my eyes, my lips, and my necks, unwinds our legs and starts to go. "I should go to work soon so I can meet you early."
As I hear him prepare his morning ablutions, I am amazed at how the dynamics of our marriage have changed. Our anniversries have always been one-sided battlefields where I practiced psychological games and guerrilla tactics. Wars from past anniversaries would commence with me whining and demanding. I would plead and plead for him to take the day of, to go shopping, to cuddle all day. When I don’t get what I want, I take out my secret weapon and launch a tantrum. I make a mental list of the trantrums I’ve had for each anniversary.
Year 1 - Tagaytay - Tantrum because he had an asthma attack and we couldn’t have sex.
Year 2 - Shangri-La overnight - Tantrum because we couldn’t afford to stay an extra night.
Year 3 - Home - Tantrum because we couldn’t afford anything.
Year 4 - Manila Hotel dinner - Tantrum because I wanted to go home to breastfeed.
Year 5 - Via Mare - Tantrum because he was 30 minutes late.
Year 6 - Ilustrado - Tantrum because he had no love letter.
Year 7 - Philippine Plaza - Tantrum because I was pregnant.
Year 8 - Bangkok - Tantrum because he had a business meeting in the middle of our trip.
I accept with quiet grace that the need for romance was the culprit for all these tantrums.
I hear him in the bathroom and begin to identify sounds and patterns. Heavy shuffling on the floor means he’s collecting water in the basin for heating. Clicking sounds signify flossing has commenced. Ragged coughing means he had a small asthma attack the night before (continuous coughing with chest thumping, however, would mean antibiotics at the end of the week). The water running at a steady pace tells me there is no rush. He can afford to take his time. He is certain to open the closet door three times (I sing to myself, one for the outfit, two for the socks, three for the tie and four to go, let’s rock!). Tsk-tsking is a sign that there are no fresh hankies in supply.
He comes out of the bathroom and asks me what I’m thinking. I tell him the truth with a smile: "Nothing," He smiles back warmly and kisses me goodbye, "Enjoy the day. Don’t be too hard on your freshmen! I’ll see you tonight." He finally knows what "nothing" truly means. Now that romance has run out of fresh ideas, marriage has become a place of profound acceptance.
I hear the car back out of the garage. I remember how he used to speed away in anger at the end of a date gone awry. There is a certain stupidity to the equation of love plus youth. Threatening to walk away and driving away and speeding away and banging doors add to the drama and intensity of love. I am certain from where I am lying down that he is backing away calmly, careful that there are no children crossing our busy street. Becoming a father has taught him this.
And yet, I yearn for the roar of our younger years. I still want to be surprised by love sometimes. The steady rhythm of our days is filled with a love so quiet it is easy to miss. I know I am being foolish. His back turned to me at night completes my sleep. My quiet husband has taught me stillness.
My thoughts fly to the week before we were married. The thought comes to me quickly and without prodding. It is early evening and I am sitting in my mother’s terrace in a blue skirt and a white blouse. This is my favorite skirt as it has tassels with small gold balls. It is silk as well, so it makes me feel very grown-up. In the garden, my fiance is with my nephew. He is identifying an airplane in he sky, something he can do even at night. He is an airline employee and knows flight schedules and patterns by heart. My family is amazed at his knowledge of airplanes. Then and there, I make a fool’s bargain. I will not marry him until I see a falling star. He turns to look at me, and I am slightly heady with this sudden decision of mine.
"Rica, come here!" he says.
"Hurry, I have something to show you." I am not at all thrilled by the prospect of seeing Lufthansa Flight 745 on its way to Germany. My imagination is busy conjuring scenarious of betrayal. Phrasing lines, "Ma, I have to cancel the wedding." "It wasn’t in the stars."
He lifts his arm towards me pleadingly, and I am not at all gracious when I finally stand. I walk to him slowly, enjoying the secret that I have the last card - that I can still walk away. He smiles at me indulgently and puts his arms around me. He lifts my chin to the sky and says, "The night is filled with falling stars." I see three that night.
I am hungry for such a moment. I do not know what is more grown up — the knowledge that it is futile to ask for such things or the gratefulness that I no longer ask for such things.
In class today we talk about modes of exposition. My students report about love using different modes. Group one uses cause and effect. The title of their piece is "Love Really? What Effect Do it Have?" I am angered by the slip in subject-verb agreement. The rest of the essay is sullied by this mistake. I tell them their title is a metaphor for the ineffectiveness of their work. Group two uses classification and division. There is love for self, love for family and love for God. Jeesh…
I spend 30 minutes lecturing on the importance of development. How it can be used to twist an old topic. How, as a device, it allows the rader to see more. A student bravely asks me, "Ma’m, how do we know which mode of development to use?" The shadow in me wishes to answer, "Because if you’re smart, you just know!" I find myself using my love story to answer this question.
"In the beginning my husband used definition to win me over. He said, ‘This is not love, just a compelling need to be with you.’ Later on he used comparison and contrast to explore this feeling. ‘It’s not the same feeling as my feeling for Maria when I was in high school.’ The he used cause and effect with great impact. ‘When I am not with you I cannot concentrate. But when I am with you all the more I cannot concentrate.’"
And finally, the piece de resistance! He used exposition with a dash of exaggeration! "Be my girlfriend or I shall die." The lecture ends with thunderous applause! Now we understand.
I walk back to my office with a stupid half-smile. Maybe romance lies in remembering. I take comfort in that and am even satisfied to be romanced by memory. The sea of students switching buildings is mesmerizing. I stand still and enjoy the invisible air moving around me. I allow myself a moment of reverence - for what, I do not know. Far away, I see a familiar figure but it is hazy as students cross my vision. It moves closer to me and I see it is my husband. There is both recognition and surpirse. He walks towards me with a bouquet in his hands. The crowd disappears just like in the movies.
"Nine sunflowers for my sun." The silence breaks as I hear the roar of my love.
***
Editor’s note: Rica Bolipata-Santos is a faculty member of the English department of the Ateneo. She is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Creative Writing at the University of the Philippines.
It is going to be a looong day…..
Beep beep beep…goes my alarm clock. I look at my cellphone with barely opened eyes and see that it is 6am. Time to wake up the BF so he can go jogging. I call him and give myself a mental note that I will wake up in 30 minutes so I can spend 15 minutes on the stationary bike before heading off to school.
The next thing I know, light is everywhere. I open my eyes and check my phone once more. Crap! It’s 7:45!! I am late once more. It’s only my second day of summer classes and I am late again! I rush to the bathroom and take a 3 minute shower. (Note: A 3 minute shower is basically brushing your teeth for 30 seconds. Washing your hair for another 1 minute. Soaping yourself for 30 seconds. And rinsing everything off in 30 seconds. Oh and did I mention this all happens under the shower?)
So after my 3 minute shower, I rush to the room to put on the first set of clothes I would come across and stuff my contact lenses into my eyes. Of all the days, why does my left eye refuse to cooperate? Why cannot I seem to stuff my contact lens into my left eye? After 5 minutes of wrestling with my eyes and lenses, I grab the same bag I used yesterday and hop into a cab. Cab driver said that I would need to add something because traffic is bad at Katipunan. Being the desperate and late woman that I am, I hastily agree. During the agonizing 35 minute drive to Ateneo, the cab driver kept giving his unsolicited opinion about the rice shortage and Gloria. His theory is Gloria has a warehouse where in she keeps all the rice so people will stop talking about her. Furthermore Manong Cab Driver insists that it is not true that the rest of Asia is also going through a rice shortage. This ranting went on and on until I got to Ateneo and saw the meter. 180 pesos! I don’t pay 180 pesos for a flagged down cab from my place to Ateneo. Maximum is 140. But since I am late, I do not complain and just hand him over the money.
As I approach the building where I am supposed to have my class, I see falling debris and peeling paint. And yes, this is just the start of my day….it is going to be a loooong day…yes indeed!!!!!!!
